I was up until one o'clock this morning reading other peoples BAP blogs, and continuing to over analyse my experiences. When I mentioned this to Mikey he asked if I'd written a blog about the BAP, and that it might help...so here goes.
The BAP, or Bishop's Advisory Panel, is a Church of England ministry selection conference where folks who've been exploring a calling to ordained ministry go for the final assessment on whether they are ready to start training. It's a two and a bit day residential retreat. Folks who get to this stage may have been exploring their calling for years and have seen all sorts of advisers within their own diocese. The minimum amount of time folks have been in the system is twelve months, at a push.
For me it was as follows: at the start of last year, after over a year of talking to Vicky at St Michael's, she supported my application to explore ordained ministry with the DDO (diocesan director of ordinands), in my case the assistant DDO Angie. I met with Angie, wrote a written reflection for her, and she sent me off to see two vocations advisers- one a priest and one a lay person. They collaborated on a report about me. Angie was happy with this so I was asked to complete the extensive BAP application forms and see an examining chaplain, who is checking the conclusions the previous folks have come to.
This entire process took twelvish months and I was booked on a June BAP.
Before your panel, as well as the application forms, you are asked to write another reflection. This, along with your forms and reports, and four to five references (occupational, educational, lay & clergy) go to the three folks who'll be assessing you about six weeks in advance.
Basically they know a lot about you beforehand!
At the BAP you do a prepared presentation, after which you lead a discussion, you do a timed written Q&A about yourself, you write a letter on a complex pastoral issue and you are interviewed by each advisor (educational, vocational and pastoral). There's also fellowship and worship. There were sixteen candidates at my panel, split into two groups of eight. We were diverse in terms of age, gender, region, background and churchmanship but everyone I encountered was unique, interesting, faithful and supportive.
So...how'd it go? It's such a unique and intense experience and as yet I do not know the outcome (five to fourteen day wait, but as I meet with Angie on the 28th I'll know then if not before). It's hard to fully reflect without knowing the outcome.
Presentation: I used a traditional stand-behind-the-lecturn delivery, reading from my notes but trying to make eye contact and engage folks. Loosely I was steering the discussion towards the inclusivity of children in all aspects of worship. You have to summarise the discussion. I wasn't amazing at this but I was ok. I'd had the benefit, and downside, of experiencing everyone elses talks and discussion as drawing the eight of clubs card meant I was last to go!
You're also assessed on your contributions to everyone else's discussions. I struggled with this as my peers came across as so thoughtful, intelligent and considered. I felt unable to offer the intelligent insights they were offering up but I did contribute.
Pastoral exercise: we've been asked not to give away details of this as they reuse scenarios. We had to write a letter in a complex moral/ethical situation. I think the purpose was to demonstrate empathy and sensitivity, which I think I did ok.
Educational interview: my first and worst! There are nine selection criteria, the educational advisor is interested in Quality of Mind, Mission and Evangelism and Faith. This was incredibly challenging. Many of the questions were mission focused but I think I also managed to misquote scripture, forget important books I'd read and point out my shocking memory. Go Fi. I did manage to get across my view that a church which is inward looking is no church and our mission should be to find the need in the community around us.
The above, coupled with unfamiliar liturgies in worship meant I felt pretty mixed up by Tuesday night. I woke up about five am on Wednesday and decided my pastoral letter was done, emailing it off at six am.
To help myself settle into the second day of interviews I felt like I needed to do something 'normal', so I went out to the beautiful garden to say morning prayer, as I would at home. This seemed to do the trick.
Vocational meeting: this is considered the most important. It explores Vocation, ministry within the Church of England and Spirituality. I feel very secure in these three areas and believe this was my strongest interview. I felt able to communicate my very specific calling to workplace based ministry, my love of the Anglican church and what sustains me spiritually. When asked about challenges facing the church I felt my answers regarding equality of sexuality and gender were predictable but they are the ones foremost in my mind.
I felt absolutely elated after the interview and hugged everyone who stepped in my path!
Pastoral interview: this was my shortest but also very enjoyable. I have worried since that I may have come across as too confident, hopefully this wasn't the case. I felt very passionate and tried to emphasise my nursing vocation as one of service and sacrifice. Hopefully my passion didn't translate as arrogance. We focused on Relationships, Leadership & Collaboration and Personality & Character. The lovely adviser said the reason why the interview was a bit shorter was because my nursing career had informed her about a lot of pastoral issues. They also wish to know your abilities for coping with stress and if you've experienced personal difficulties. Here we spoke about the things I've experienced as a nurse and also the personal issues I believe God has helped me through such as Maureen's illness and death and Anna's gender reassignment.
So there it is. I think I presented them with a reasonable picture of what I am and what I'm not. By now the decision is made, so whether they think my slightly unique calling to MSE is a valid one, and if so if I'm ready to train, all will have been revealed by this time next week.
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